I Can’t Believe I Just Did That

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I’ve been applying for jobs for months.  Any type of job.  Office work, nanny gigs, housekeeper, you name it.  Nobody is hiring.  Rather, nobody is hiring me.  I had thought that it was because of the economy.  It’s a hiring market and there are hundreds of more experienced (read: older) people competing for the same jobs.  I used to have an edge (or I thought I did) because I’m young and cute and willing to work for very little money.  Unfortunately, all of those experienced people are now also willing to work for very little money, and cute doesn’t mean shit unless you want to work for a chauvinistic asshat.  At least that’s what I thought.  Now I’m thinking I’m not getting hired because I’m an idiot.

Earlier this week, I applied for an admin. assistant position at a school in the neighborhood.  The hours are looooooooong but it is close to home and it would pay enough to get The Cock and me out of the coop.  Guess what.  I got a call the same day!  Of course, I missed the call by 15 minutes, and immediately called back.  I was a little worried that I couldn’t understand the lady’s last name in her message, but I caught the first name and figured I could ask her to repeat her last name when I talked to her.  No biggie, right?  She didn’t answer and I left a message.

I was bummed when she didn’t return my call, and I couldn’t figure it out until this morning when I listened to her voicemail a few more times.  And you guys, I. Am. An. Idiot.  I didn’t realize that I also couldn’t understand the phone number she left in her message.  She had said “nine” but I heard “five.”   So I called some total stranger and left a message telling them that I was interested in the position and I was available anytime.  I’m sure that didn’t sound pervy at all.

Suffice it to say that I’m pretty sure I won’t be getting this job.  Because she either thinks I’m an asshole who didn’t call back for two days, or she thinks I’m an asshole who can’t even write down a phone number correctly.  I may as well have overlooked a typo on my freaking resume.  For all I know, maybe I did!  Apparently I’m not as “detail-oriented” as I thought.  Fuck.  There’s probably something funny about this, but I’m not seeing it right now.

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A Mark, A Mural, A Skid

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Who doesn’t keep some sort of scrub brush in their bathroom?  Mother Hen, that’s who.  You know the brush that people use to clean the toilet bowl?  You probably have one sitting in the corner behind the commode, where it belongs.  And when your guests come over, you may not know it, but I bet they use that brush to remove any evidence of their activities in there.  You know what I’m talking about.  Yes.  That.  The skid.

Have you ever left a skid so monstrous that you were afraid anyone who saw it would think you were deathly ill?  Not so much a skid MARK, but a skid MURAL?  A double or even a triple flusher?  Well, if you haven’t, we probably shouldn’t be friends.  Because I have.  In fact, I just did.

There isn’t much that is more embarrassing than knowing that the next person who enters the bathroom will witness the destruction and know it was your doing.  Add to that the fact that the only other people who use that bathroom are the Cock and the Rooster, and well…so much for ladylike behavior.

Okay, this isn’t going anywhere, but I do have to make a terrible confession.  Once, I actually used my own bare hands and a baby wipe to remove the mark of the beast.  I was so disgusted with myself that I haven’t stopped washing my hands since then.  Well, I stopped long enough to type this.  But when this is published, I’m going straight back to the sink with a bucket of bleach and hot water, because just thinking about it is giving me the heebie-jeebies again.  I’d share a picture with you, but…ew.

Instead, enjoy this picture of the bathroom scrub brush that I never ever ever want to own.  I’m not sure if the creepy thing is smiling because it is happy to help out, or if it is laughing at me for making such a large deposit in the porcelain bank.  Either way, I’m probably going to have nightmares tonight.

VERY Scary Toilet Brush

"HAHAHA! I know what you did this morning, you disgusting duckling you. Now I'll haunt you forever."