4:15am: Wake up, get up for a glass of water; notice that the Rooster isn’t awake.  Wonder if he is okay?  Go to the bathroom.  Go back to bed.

4:19am: Accidentally kick the Cock while climbing over him to get into bed.  Notice what time it is.  Chuckle.  Realize I’m the least mature person I know.

5:00am: Look at the clock.  Can I still really be awake?  I never have a hard time falling asleep.  Consider crying.  Roll over and put pillow over head in an effort to induce sleep.

5:10am: Pillow-darkness is relaxing.  Feel tired.  Drift back to sleep.  Hooray!

5:15am: The Cock starts to snore.  Really, really loudly.  Plug ears and pinch pillow over head even harder.


5:25am: The Cock stops snoring.  Eyes slowly close. Finally sleep. Hooray!

5:30am: The Cock’s 100lb pet dog starts to snore.  I am wide awake again.  Like owner like pet?

5:45am: Cannot take the noise.  Grab a pillow and blanket and head to the living room.  Don’t even remove the dog blanket before I lie down on the couch.  Smells like dog and I don’t even care.  Finally, peace and quiet.

5:55am: Drift into blissful slumber.  Hooray!

6:00am: The Rooster walks by and turns on his office light.  Time for his day to start.  Hold breath and put head under blanket in hopes he won’t see me.  DO NOT want to answer questions or talk to him at this hour.  Consider crying.

6:01am:  Hear Rooster go into bathroom.  Quickly grab pillow and blanket and stealthily sneak back to bed.

6:02am:  Accidentally kick the dog on my way to bed.  Accidentally kick the Cock while climbing into bed.  So much for stealth.  Look at the clock.  Why have I been awake for so long?

6:15am: Fall asleep.  Hooray!

6:30am: The Rooster feeds the 15lb pet dog.  Wake up to the sound of the 100lb pet dog whimpering with food-jealousy.  Consider actually starving the dog to give him something to cry about.

6:45:  The dog stops whining, the Cock isn’t snoring, God is in his heaven and all is right with the world.  Fall asleep.  Hooray!

7:00am: The Cock’s alarm clock goes off.  Wake up.

7:01am: The Cock hits snooze.  Fall back asleep.  Hooray!

7:06am: The Cock’s alarm clock goes off.  Wake up.

7:07am: The Cock hits snooze.  Fall back asleep.  Hooray!

7:12am: The Cock’s alarm clock goes off.  Wake up.

7:13am: The Cock hits snooze. Give up on ever sleeping again.  Consider crying.

7:14am: Get up, zombie-crawl into kitchen for a cup of coffee.  Pass Mother Hen, who is sitting at the kitchen table.  She asks, “So, what’s your plan for today?”  Consider crying.

7:15am:  Wonder if she would judge me for “fortifying” my coffee.  Decide she would.  Formulate plan to sneak wine out of fridge for breakfast.  Judge self.  Forgive self.  Consider crying.